It's been more than a while since I have written. I have had my 4th and final year exams.
In the four years I have stumbled my way through:
1 dissertation, 1 viva, 3 presentations, 11 placements, 14 exams, and 17 reports*
Honestly, becoming qualified is not an easy process. And I really think a job will be quite hard to find. Aaaand then there will be the hurdle of Occupational Health.
Once I had a job where I passed the interview and was offered a contract. in August.. but didn't get through Occupational Health until November.... I think it must be hard to take in my medical history and truly desire to recruit me. I know that there are disability discrimination acts, but honestly, in practise for someone with hidden problems, i.e epilepsy and a whole clusterfuck of mental disorders, it can get a bit nasty. People don't believe you. People whisper about you. I'm not so far gone crazy that I think everyone is maliciously gossiping. I just know that has happened to me because I've overheard discussions, been the end of the odd sharp comment or two. You learn to deal with this - you toughen up and cruel words break you less. I shall include some to illustrate:
Professor "You'll never manage;once an Anorexic always an anorexic"
Colleague to Colleague "Just make her fucking eat a mars bar"
Manager "What do you mean you can't come in, you had that seizure yesterday, it's not happening now is it?"
Colleague to colleague (NB: The colleague on the receiving end stuck up for me) " Yeah, but sometimes she's so lazy she just doesn't even do any work" ( go and fucking read up on spoon theory BITCH)
Those are just some of the friendlier things I've heard.
Maybe it won't always be this way. Believe it or not there is still hope.
But still, there is actually no point at all projecting the past on to the future or dwelling in the past.
Gosh, I have had so much happening I don't even know where to start, I guess the beginning would be a good place? Wow. I'm not sure I even know what happened first or what equals the beginning. So in light of that revelation I will just start with the first event I can elucidate :s
1) The Viva
This was a BIG DEAL. For the past four years of my BSc(h) ( I've been an allied healthcare student)
the viva has been the focus of all fear, the brick wall between student and newly qualified practitioner status. No Pass = No Practice. It may be only 20% of a clinical practice module but it is the gateway to employment. So that's slightly terrifying in itself.
The Challenge: You are given the tiniest snifter of a patient's case history and allowed to study that for five minutes. You then are shown 10 minutes of said patient and are then left for 40mins to Assess, Diagnose, Write up a treatment and management plan and a potential prognosis. Rationalise all decisions. It could be ANY SORT of patient. It's not possible to revise every single clinical situation there possibly could ever be. So you must do what you can and pray that fortune favours you.
Fortune didn't favour me!! (Remarkably I DID pass, by the finest of threads, but still a pass)
However, I did laugh out loud when, after a fairly challenging patient, who should be the one to examine me??? Well, that would be the staff member who dislikes me on a very personal level. Sometimes the stars align in your favour, and other times they just don't and aaaaalll you can do is just sit back and roll with the punches.
The world doesn't owe you anything, nobody promised you a fucking rose garden!
2) Seizures and Secrets
I am fairly certain that I am a secret magnet. I can't work out why. But I do not mind this, it seems to help those I care about.
However - some things should not be secrets. Especially not in my family. The secrets almost destroyed us all. Anyway, I have epilepsy and some kind of minor cardio issue and since the age of 12 I had been told I was the only family member this affected. However a few years back my uncle had seizures, then my mother started having the occasional seizure. And then my father rang me up the other day to ask for advice, but for me to not tell my mother about it or my brothers...
Fortune didn't favour me!! (Remarkably I DID pass, by the finest of threads, but still a pass)
However, I did laugh out loud when, after a fairly challenging patient, who should be the one to examine me??? Well, that would be the staff member who dislikes me on a very personal level. Sometimes the stars align in your favour, and other times they just don't and aaaaalll you can do is just sit back and roll with the punches.
The world doesn't owe you anything, nobody promised you a fucking rose garden!
2) Seizures and Secrets
I am fairly certain that I am a secret magnet. I can't work out why. But I do not mind this, it seems to help those I care about.
However - some things should not be secrets. Especially not in my family. The secrets almost destroyed us all. Anyway, I have epilepsy and some kind of minor cardio issue and since the age of 12 I had been told I was the only family member this affected. However a few years back my uncle had seizures, then my mother started having the occasional seizure. And then my father rang me up the other day to ask for advice, but for me to not tell my mother about it or my brothers...
(*I have an extension on the dissertation until August)
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