Tina From Windows Seven

*Ring Ring, Ring Ring,*

Me-"Hello?"

Tina-"YES HELLO THIS IS TINA CAN I SPEAK TO THE HOUSEHOLDER"...

Me-"why?"

Tina-"CAN I SPEAK TO THE HOUSEHOLDER"

Me-"Why?"

Tina-"ARE YOU THE HOUSEHOLDER?

Me-"WHY?!"

Tina-"IT'S ABOUT YOUR BLURBLUR"

Me-"About my future??"

Tina-"NO ABOUT YOUR BLURBLUR"

Me-"About my tutor?"

Tina-"NO COMPUTER, YOUR COMPUTER IS REGISTERED NUMBER WITH WINDOWS"

Me-"Oh really?..."

Tina-"ARE YOU AT YOUR COMPUTER, I NEED YOUR GET COMPUTER NUMBER?"

Me-"You just said you had a number...Ok, I shall do that, I'll just get a pen to write down the name and number of your company.."

Tina-"I AM MICROSOFT WINDOWS SEVEN I AM TINA I NEED NUMBER"

Me-"Ok Tina, the number is 1. I'd better let my friends know about this, what department were you from? Can I have a number to call you on?"

Tina-"NOT ONE. I AM MICROSOFT DEPARTMENT. I AM TINA"

Me-" I AM SPARTACUS, RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWR"

*boooooooooooooooooooooooooop Tina hangs up*

Dammit Tina, Now I'll never know how to get through to microsoft department ...And it was only just getting interesting. If Tina calls you, send her my love....

Looking back on black

This will never be a blog that wallows in Anorexia Nervosa. There are plenty of those out there. If you stumbled here looking for that, you won't find it. I'm never going to glamorize or pretend that it's ever been graceful. 

There is nothing graceful about broken teeth, manual evacuation, bleeding and sedated fighting the tube that is your enemy and savior. Sure it's dramatic and engaging for awhile, but then it gets boring, monotonous, habitual, draining and all of a sudden you are an adult. You want other things, like a job, meaningful relationships and a family.

 Ha you thought you could stop the monster you invited in, the bullet with butterfly wings... I'm just reflecting and haunted. Because this is the voice that lives in the corner of my mind whispering to me. Calling me. Telling me she can give me purpose and control. She can take away all  the pain and uncertainty and make me unholy whole and full of emptiness. Powerful in frailty.  God dam I miss her embrace. So cold and warm. Always there for me in a kingdom of our doing. A panopticon. A world that is all mine. There's nothing there, but what there is, is mine. My little empire ruled by my lovehate conjoined twin and I. She's still there.

Just take me home. I want to go home. I want to be quiet, safe, warm. Let me kiss those I love and then smiling,gently,fall into the gentle void of the mirror, hair billowing in the updraft. I couldn't ever come back from the other side of that mirror all of the way anyway, and heaven knows I tried, repeatedly. There is always one foot there and one foot here. Destined to forever be neither of this world of the normal people or of that secret world in which you once rotted and thrived. I will always have unfinished business, I will forever hold the burden of that failed mission.

A lover in my bed and a gun to my head.We must never be apart.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9uWwvQKGjLI

 

 

Interlude

                             http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u6YMAvfwTFo

Grand Theft Auto in the alleys near my home.