This will never be a blog that wallows in Anorexia Nervosa. There are plenty of those out there. If you stumbled here looking for that, you won't find it. I'm never going to glamorize or pretend that it's ever been graceful.
There is nothing graceful about broken teeth, manual evacuation, bleeding and sedated fighting the tube that is your enemy and savior. Sure it's dramatic and engaging for awhile, but then it gets boring, monotonous, habitual, draining and all of a sudden you are an adult. You want other things, like a job, meaningful relationships and a family.
Ha you thought you could stop the monster you invited in, the bullet with butterfly wings... I'm just reflecting and haunted. Because this is the voice that lives in the corner of my mind whispering to me. Calling me. Telling me she can give me purpose and control. She can take away all the pain and uncertainty and make me unholy whole and full of emptiness. Powerful in frailty. God dam I miss her embrace. So cold and warm. Always there for me in a kingdom of our doing. A panopticon. A world that is all mine. There's nothing there, but what there is, is mine. My little empire ruled by my lovehate conjoined twin and I. She's still there.
Just take me home. I want to go home. I want to be quiet, safe, warm. Let me kiss those I love and then smiling,gently,fall into the gentle void of the mirror, hair billowing in the updraft. I couldn't ever come back from the other side of that mirror all of the way anyway, and heaven knows I tried, repeatedly. There is always one foot there and one foot here. Destined to forever be neither of this world of the normal people or of that secret world in which you once rotted and thrived. I will always have unfinished business, I will forever hold the burden of that failed mission.
A lover in my bed and a gun to my head.We must never be apart.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9uWwvQKGjLI
There is nothing graceful about broken teeth, manual evacuation, bleeding and sedated fighting the tube that is your enemy and savior. Sure it's dramatic and engaging for awhile, but then it gets boring, monotonous, habitual, draining and all of a sudden you are an adult. You want other things, like a job, meaningful relationships and a family.
Ha you thought you could stop the monster you invited in, the bullet with butterfly wings... I'm just reflecting and haunted. Because this is the voice that lives in the corner of my mind whispering to me. Calling me. Telling me she can give me purpose and control. She can take away all the pain and uncertainty and make me unholy whole and full of emptiness. Powerful in frailty. God dam I miss her embrace. So cold and warm. Always there for me in a kingdom of our doing. A panopticon. A world that is all mine. There's nothing there, but what there is, is mine. My little empire ruled by my lovehate conjoined twin and I. She's still there.
Just take me home. I want to go home. I want to be quiet, safe, warm. Let me kiss those I love and then smiling,gently,fall into the gentle void of the mirror, hair billowing in the updraft. I couldn't ever come back from the other side of that mirror all of the way anyway, and heaven knows I tried, repeatedly. There is always one foot there and one foot here. Destined to forever be neither of this world of the normal people or of that secret world in which you once rotted and thrived. I will always have unfinished business, I will forever hold the burden of that failed mission.
A lover in my bed and a gun to my head.We must never be apart.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9uWwvQKGjLI
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