It's not always easy. Currently I'm trying to be a responsible drinker. I've never been an alcoholic I am guilty of occasional binge drinking, but this has greatly diminished with age, with understanding and a desire to move forward from a life of mere existence to a true meaningful life. I'm trying to be all of the things I'd admire in my imaginary 'perfect'person. I use perfect loosely.
I guess I'm on a search for an identity. That's not anorexia. Which is not easy with obsessive thoughts clouding my mind and lurking in the corners of my mind. Always there in the shadows. Seducing me with false promises. I hate her.
She is also my constant companion. Brings control and perfect order in a world I can't control or understand. We observe the 'normal people' together. I'm not lonely like that.
I've always been more lonely in company. Being in company I have to perform. I learned how to be sociable from Neil. I feel like I have present a constant mask. She is the bars on my cage and protects me like a shark cage.
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